i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
