Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
