didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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