so that wasnt chicken after all
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
