RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
