"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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