We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
