your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
