Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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