ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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