What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
