Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
