It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
