stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize