was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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