I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
