im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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