She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
