I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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