he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
