So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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