Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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