worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
ttyl tear gas
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
