Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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