I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's blow job season.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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