he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My dick has a subreddit
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
