all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize