Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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