YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize