I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize