Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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