At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
