3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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