absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
