you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
