every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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