Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
