Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
