yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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