I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
