I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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