Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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