never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
