bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Randomize
