worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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