You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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