I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
