I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
