you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
