My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
