You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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