he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
