haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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