i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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