Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
