Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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