The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I want to be your penis for a week.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
