He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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