Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
