Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
