I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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