Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
