I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
