I love black thongs
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
