You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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