If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
