party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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