The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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