I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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