glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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