you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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