he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it was like eating out sand paper
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
